It's December? Oh crap, where did this year go? Each year I think about all the stuff that has gone on, lessons learned and how on earth I could possibly make it through another year if it was as crazy as the last...well with each passing year, I discover that all though my years are pretty different they all are very much the same...Every day I wake up and go to work, now I have a different job, but it's work all the same...every day I spend with Raleigh, she changes every day, but she's my daughter just the same...I talk to my family and see them when I can which is no different from any other year...I see my friends, I take vacations, I meet new people, I quit talking to some....then I may start talking to them again, only to later again not talk to them any more..So really my every day life is no different...I get up, I can breath, I can walk, talk and eat...I can see the people I love, I get to work and pay the bills...it's the emotional aspect of my life, my spiritual aspect of life, my increasing knowledge of life, my health....those are the things that differ from year to year...This year, if I were to go back a year almost to the exact day, was rough...I was saying good bye to certain things and my heart was truly not at peace...breaking each moment for I knew I was not right in my doings and not right in my walk with God, which for me only led to an increase of internal anger. However, I look back now and realized I made it through...with heart ache, yes but I didn't die....I learned some very powerful lessons and if anything it made me have a come to Jesus meeting with some things....the new year began and my personal life began to change...I thought for the better...quickly I realized, not so much...struggles from the past came slapping me in the face and I knew at that moment the best decision for me was to run and run like the wind from all of it...Certain people had to be removed totally and some just pushed far enough away that when they fell they didn't take me down with them...About half way through the year I was finding peace, finding my way back off the rocky path of the past...On the way, I lost my best friend of 20 plus years...wasn't easy, but they made their choices and I made mine, and for my walk with God to be where I want it to be the friendship needed to be severed. God knew what he was doing then because in a very short amount of time he placed a person in my life that would forever change my friendships...God knew I needed a trust worthy friend who was upfront and honest with me, but didn't fight over the petty stuff...She became my best friend quicker then I could blink...Hell, she's more like a sister to me! A true friendship that I value so much and that I needed so much. She has heard my story and I have heard hers and we, daily, walk by each other in support and appreciation for what we know and have been through and what we continue to learn. I'm ending my year in a place that I have longed to be...in a place that I once tried to convince myself I was in, but I knew wasn't true...a true place of happiness and peace. My heart no longer aches of loneliness nor does hurt from the rejection...Someone has came into my life that truly fits my "needs" and goes above and beyond my "wants." My heart is at peace with my family...Raleigh and I continue to grow together and learn from each other...my friends, even though there are few, are the exact ones I need in my life and want in my life...my health is on the uphill track of being where I have longed for it to be...my walk with God? Well after many heated arguments with the Man upstairs, I have found my understanding and my forgiveness and look forward to continuing my walk with Him and making it stronger....sharing my love for His word with my child, my family, my friends and strangers I meet....God is good and patience goes a long way....
.......I knew I would meet you and was very excited about it, but in my heart I wasn't really looking...I found you unexpectedly and wouldn't change what we now have for anything. You are the answer to my prayers!
