Hi I'm Kodi and I'm a.....

Isn't that how all anonymous meetings are started out..."Hi, I'm (insert name) and I'm an addict"....I would say I'm addicted to life's pain...or that's how it feels at times.  Addicted to the frustrations of the uncertainty, addicted to heart ache, addicted to all the pain that it is caused because that's when you know you can feel...Oh my history is a colorful one...one that I don't mind speaking about, but out of respect for some family I'll spare the details...I do believe there comes a point in your life when you finally learn from your own life and realize it just wasn't working...time to try something new...however, in the midst of all this is when what one would call a "relapse" can happen...now don't go thinking I'm an alcoholic or drug addict, that's not the case...there are other addictions in life besides those things...just wanted to make that clear...It seemed that I had kept it all together for so long...in fact a good ten years...and even in those years I faced struggles that would bring cause to "relapse."  But I never did...so why 6 months ago did my world so suddenly change and my ability to handle such stressors??  I made some choices that will forever affect the way I handle certain things or think about certain things...I was given a chance to make new for myself and learn a huge lesson in wants vs needs, etc....I thought I had it all lined up...just how it was suppose to be...my road no longer winding with huge pot holes, but more straight and smooth with minor speed bumps...I guess I didn't...Causing "relapse"...Today I learned a huge lesson in life...one I've learned a thousand times, but am now accepting...Today I learned, again, not to take things for granted, never settle for anything less than what you want, be happy with the life you live, put God first, what you want is not always what you need, what you need you may not always get the way you want, never take for granted the relationships in your life...I like to tell people that to be a part of my life they have to accept my past because it's a part of me but the truth is....I have to accept my past...I have to overcome my past...my "addiction" needs to be a part of my past not my present or my future...So tomorrow is a new day for me...a day that will mark a new beginning, a new count...when a "relapse" occurs your time starts all over...so even if I had a good ten years, I don't now and I accept that....