Freedom

What I saw, maybe other's saw too...but it impacts everyone differently...for me it's a disappointment in my own self..that I disappointed you, let you down, failed you miserably...No one will understand the impact of what I saw has on my heart and my mind and my spirit...people tell me that I am not responsible for the actions of others...and I know in a sense I am not...I'm clinging to the hand of God that he may not drop me down the dark hole I've struggled to climb out of....I've realized over the last several days where my life has been and where it needs to go, but there are still unanswered questions...maybe they will never be answered...no one truly knows but God...just like no one truly knows my heart but God...you may see something when you look deep into my eyes, but they can't tell you everything...they can't explain why my heart breaks the way it does and I why I feel the way I do...The light in my child's eyes and the hope in her smile make a huge difference in the light that shines the doorway of my life...they say when one door closes that another one opens...but we don't always have to like that door being closed...I guess we can fight it tooth and nail but if God wants that door closed then that door is closed....but what if we are in question of a door being open so we close it ourselves?  What then? Trust in the Lord right?  I'm trying...I'm trying to not sacrifice my own self for the happiness of others...I'm trying to not sacrifice my stability to keep another persons foundation solid because after all I can't keep anyone's foundation solid but my own...all I can do is pray for freedom from the ties that hold me to the things that bring me down..pray that God lifts me up and my child that way may see the truth of who is He is and what He wants from and for us.  Trusting that God can be in control of my life is just the process to finding true happiness in all my choices....